Meet Hope – An Intro to Hope’s Journey with Jenny Craig
It was early 2007 when I got news that made me happier than any news I’ve ever had before. My fertility nurse called to tell me that I couldn’t move forward with in-vitro because I was already pregnant! I had two previous miscarriages so I called this my miracle. And this happened when I wasn’t even trying to get pregnant! I went for several ultrasounds, like all women who are labeled “advanced maternal age” have to. Who would’ve thought that being over 35 years old was considered advanced? Not me. For a first time Mom there was so much to learn, but just when I thought I couldn’t feel happier, my doctor let me hear my baby’s heart beat. I couldn’t stop crying. This was really happening. I was a Mom. There was another life inside of me. Then he printed a beautiful picture of my little peanut that included the graph of his heart beating. He said that now that I’d made it to this point there was a 90% chance that my baby would make it. After all, there was a strong heart beat. I honestly had never before experienced joy on that level and I still struggle to find words to adequately explain it.
So I had one more ultrasound to go before I “graduated” to my second trimester and it was scheduled for the day after Mother’s Day. I was so excited to see my baby again and to finally graduate to the “safe” trimester. But, there was only silence as my doctor did the ultrasound. I looked at my husband and he just looked blank. After what seemed like forever my doctor told me that there was no heartbeat. I couldn’t take all of that in. How could that be? I had been given a 90% chance. My miracle had turned tragic. My baby had died unexpectedly and because of his size they couldn’t remove him. I would have to carry him while taking a chemotherapy drug for another five months. It was tortuous.
To make it worse I had to weigh in for them to adjust the drug dosage, and when the nurse moved the scale to 246 pounds, I lost it. How and when did I put on this much weight? I was so consumed with getting pregnant that I completely lost track of my weight. Later that year I had been released to go back to work and I flew to Louisville, Kentucky for a team meeting and during that trip they took pictures. When I saw myself I was in shock. At my baby’s funeral I made a promise that I would live a better life as a result of his life - and I wasn’t doing that. I looked sad, bloated, and unhappy, because that’s how I felt. After my plane landed, I stopped by Boston Market restaurant and got enough food for a family. I had ordered a dozen pieces of cornbread, half a chicken, and family sized sides all in attempt to eat myself out of my misery. I got home and I sat there and just cried as I continued to eat. Then, I don’t know what came over me, but I just knew I had to change.
With tears and a lot of pain I called Jenny Craig. Wanda the Centre Director answered and said that they were closing but if I could hurry she would wait for me. I put the food in a bag and drove as quickly as I could to the center. I felt so defeated. Not just with my weight, but as a woman. I couldn’t do what seemingly was the most basic thing any woman should be able to do - have a healthy baby. I felt like a complete failure. Somewhere in all of my pain I decided on that ride to the Jenny Craig center that if I wasn’t going to give birth right now to a baby, I would give birth to a new me.
Wanda read my weight and she told me something I’ve never forgotten. She said that there is always a way to do the program. For some reason I believed her. It was like I had to believe what she said versus believing in me at that time. The verdict was in. I was 245 pounds, wearing size 22 pants. The black capri pants are a size 22. I couldn’t deny that I was obese. You can see from the picture that I was still getting blood work from my left arm. Clinically I still tested positive as being pregnant, but I was carrying a dead baby. It was a very dark time for me.
Fast forward from September 28, 2007 and I lost 23lbs! The compliments were flying in and I was feeling so good. I was feeling a little too good because I got complacent and maintained that weight for a while, even though I clearly had more weight to lose. So on May 23, 2009 I restarted Jenny Craig without quitting. Since that day in September 2007 I can count on one hand the number of consultations I’ve missed. I made a commitment and I’m determined to keep it this time.
So now my goal is to reach 195 pounds by my 39th birthday, which is on August 28, 2009. So here I am, wanting to show that everyday people like me with regular lives can in fact have celebrity-like results. This program works. I know because when I follow it as written I have great results. I have come up with this acronym to help anchor my commitment called JATTNE. It stands for Jenny All The Time No Excuses. That is my motto. That is my goal. Follow the program by the book to get the results I really want.
So that’s a little about me for now. More as the pounds drop and life goes on. Be sure to check out my progress pics in the Photo Tab!
‘til next time…..Hope
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Hi Hope,
I faithfully read your JATTNE posts everyweek ~ they really help me stay focused ~ I really appreciate your wisdom and hope that you give me each week. Your story made me cry because I’ve battled weight and infertility for years ~ you are such a strong person ~ thank you for sharing your story!!!